


wishes and promises across time and space

by Xephonia



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Canon Compliant, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-22 16:04:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17665724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xephonia/pseuds/Xephonia
Summary: Countless fruitless iterations have passed, so Homura chooses to change her tactic and attempts to ally with the one person she's avoided working with: Tomoe Mami.





	wishes and promises across time and space

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Morbane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morbane/gifts).



> Hi! I really liked your idea of what you wanted to read, that is, the development of Homura's relationships with Kyouko and Mami across multiple timelines and a timeline where Homura tries to save them as a key to saving Madoka, so I tried to work with that!! I hope you enjoy it!

_Strong_.

That was Homura’s first impression of Sakura-san and Tomoe-san. One is fierce and independent, the other has amazing leadership skills and strategy. And both are among the most powerful magical girls Homura has ever met.

_I want to be a bit like that, too._

At that point, it had yet to occur to Homura what the price of strength was.

* * *

When Tomoe-san snaps, it is mortifying. Much like Sakura-san, she is strong— or so Homura had thought.

But Tomoe Mami feigned her strength, it is but a facade. Even in death, she doesn’t want to be alone.

( _But who wants to die alone, anyway?_   Sometimes, Homura wonders if the first Madoka would’ve wanted Homura to join her. That time feels long ago now.)

But as Homura stares at Tomoe-san’s and Sakura-san’s lifeless bodies, she begins to wonder what true strength is, and why the two people she looked up to lie dead in front of her.

And why _she_ was allowed to survive.

* * *

As time repeats, Homura learns more, and she can’t help but to wonder why things turned out this way.

No matter what variables are adjusted, the two veterans won’t work together anymore. She can only assume that Kyuubey is deliberately making it that way so Madoka is forced to contract.

A year of repetitions with little change goes by— it’s always the same; Tomoe-san dies, either because of a witch or because she finds out the truth, and then it becomes impossible to form a group to fight Walpurgisnacht as the events relating to Miki Sayaka's contract are triggered by Tomoe-san's death. Alone, Homura can’t beat it.

The night before it arrives, Homura and Madoka await it from within Homura’s apartment. Homura won’t be able to beat it, but she’ll try at the very least. And plan for the next attempt.

“Homura-chan,” Madoka says quietly. “Why don’t you try to get along with the others?”

And Homura thinks of how she could’ve lost it all that day, how it felt to actually fear death— and then something clicks.

_I was scared._

“Thank you, Madoka.”

* * *

Tomoe-san is always in her apartment on the day she would usually kill the witch that she once saved Homura from.

After all, that’s the first witch Homura kills in each timeline.

_Deep breaths._

Homura hits the doorbell.

“Tomoe-san,” Homura says, giving her a mild smile when she opens the door. “Excuse me if it’s late. I’m Akemi Homura—”

(It’s been a while since she’s smiled insincerely like this. It’s been even longer since she’s smiled sincerely.)

“Eh?” Tomoe-san somewhat nervously adjusts her hair. “Haven’t I met you before?”

(Homura can tell from her eyes that she’s cried.)

Homura shakes her head. “Not that I know of. I would like to ask you a favor— would you help me fight Walpurgisnacht?”

“Of course. But won’t you have some tea with me first?” Tomoe-san’s smile almost warms Homura’s heart a little.

Maybe Madoka was right.

* * *

Things go smoothly. They maintain control over the witches in the city, Kyouko agrees to help with the Walpurgisnacht because Homura offered her grief seeds and her territory in the aftermath, Madoka doesn’t contract.

But Homura has been burnt badly before, and she knows things had been going too smoothly when on her Sunday meeting with Tomoe-san, she finds Madoka in sitting in the room.

“Ah, Akemi-san— I heard you two are friends?”

_Remain composed. Don’t show her the truth._

“Yes, we are.” Homura sits down next to Madoka. “How come you two know each other?”

Tomoe-san smiles. “Kyuubey said she has amazing potential to be a magical girl—”

_No._

Apparently Homura has said that out loud, because both Madoka and Tomoe-san look shocked.

“Why not? Isn’t it good when we have people who can fight Walpurgisnacht?”

Homura shakes her head. “It’s not safe for so many magical girls to be in the same area. It’s better to have two magical girls with their soul gems fully clean than three who are handicapped by the taint on it.”

“Hm, you would be right about that.” Tomoe-san takes a sip from her tea. “But wouldn’t Kaname-san’s latent strength make up for it?”

“Absolutely not.” Homura hears small taps on the floor, but with how paranoid she’s grown of Kyuubey, she can’t quite tell if it was her imagination. _Focus on the matter at hand._

“Well, we should at least take her along so she can contract in case we do need help for Walpurgisnacht.”

 _No chance to argue_. There’s a steep price to making one of the other magical girls distrustful, and Homura won’t risk it.

“Alright.”

Throughout that entire exchange, all Madoka did was smile.

The worst of all is knowing it would make Madoka happy to become a magical girl. But Homura can’t let that happen.

_It’ll end soon. But not yet._

* * *

Fighting goes well— Homura prevents Madoka from contracting, the witches are easy to keep at bay while Tomoe-san is cooperating.

But something is off.

_Where are the familiars?_

Homura keeps a book inside her shield- a list of all witches and familiars and when they appear. They’ve already missed three, and there have been no deaths in the news to support the assumption that they might’ve matured into witches.

Tomoe-san is getting uneasy. Madoka averts both her and Homura’s gaze these days, and Kyouko has been uncharacteristically quiet as well.

“Kaname-san?” It seems Tomoe-san is willing to address the elephant in the room first.

Madoka flinches, as if caught doing something bad. “Yes, Mami-san?”

“Have you been hiding something from us?”

“Well… I…” Madoka looks around, then looks at Kyuubey. “I…”

Homura’s eyes narrow. “You didn’t contract, did you?”

“No, I didn’t.” Madoka meets Homura’s gaze then, and Homura knows she’s telling the truth.

_Then—_

“Miki Sayaka.” Homura abruptly gets up. “Tomoe-san, stay with Madoka. I have to go.”

Madoka grabs Homura’s arm, tears in her eyes. “Homura-chan, can you save—”

“I’ll try.”

Homura is surprised to find out she means her own words.

* * *

_Too late._

There's Miki Sayaka, collapsed and incapable of moving. Kyouko’s spear is next to her head.

“Get out of the way. We need to cleanse her soul gem.” Homura rushes towards Sayaka, but Sayaka laughs.

“I don’t accept help from people like you.”

 _Not this again._ Homura would love to ask Sakura Kyouko why she didn’t report back when Sayaka contracted, but considering her nature, Homura already knows why.

“Miki Sayaka. You will die if you refuse me here.” That is a fact. An undeniable, unchangeable fact. And yet in over three dozen loops, that offer hasn’t been accepted even once.

Miki Sayaka laughs. “I wonder, why did no one ask me for help with Walpurgisnacht? Thought I couldn’t handle it?”

The last words of a magical girl who’s about to turn are always a reflection of the feelings that were kept inside the soul gem for too long. They always hurt, and no matter how many times Homura hears them, they keep hurting. And yet—

“That’s because—”

“Kyuubey told me everything. You don’t really care about Mami-san, do you? You got closer to her for a different reason.”

Homura swallows. “That is true. And that’s why I can’t let you die here.”

(Is it true? Homura doesn’t know anymore, and she’s scared to find out.)

“Then wouldn’t bringing an end to your secrecy the best way to go out?” A tear falls, and a new grief seed is born. “After all, that’s all I’m good for.”

The barrier is forming.

Kyouko shakes Sayaka’s unmoving body. “What—”

Homura interrupts Kyouko by grabbing her hand to freeze time. “We need to get out of—”

Ribbons form around Homura before the freeze can take hold.

“You have a lot of explaining to do, Akemi-san.”

_I messed up._

“Tomoe-san, it’s not—” Homura stares in terror at the familiars moving towards them. “Please, let us escape first—”

Kyouko cuts Homura’s restraints loose. “What is that witch?”

“It’s—” Homura remembers the last time Tomoe-san was around to hear the truth. “I don’t know. But we have to defeat it.”

Kyouko gives Homura a long, sceptic look.

Homura is by no means a good liar— it’s a skill she learnt over multiple timelines, and she’s only able to pull it off well around Tomoe-san.

Tomoe-san taps her foot on the ground. “I would prefer to question you first, but we have to defeat that thing. You better have a good explanation.”

* * *

Tomoe-san might be weak of heart at times, but she's strong in combat when it matters.

She easily defeats what Miki Sayaka has become, ending with her signature attack.

Throughout the entire fight, Homura notices that Tomoe-san never freezes when time is frozen.

_That can only mean—_

The ribbons take hold around Homura again.

“Akemi-san.” Tomoe-san doesn’t have any of her guns out. “Would you care to explain?”

_I can handle this._

“Tomoe Mami. Will you believe me, no matter what I am about to say? Will you accept the truth, no matter how harsh it is?”

“That’s…”

“Exactly.” Homura takes a deep breath. “That’s why I didn’t tell you.”

“Just spit it out,” Kyouko is eating an apple. “And you better explain what happened to Sayaka, too.”

_That, I cannot._

Homura nods instead. “I came from the future.”

“What?” Kyouko nearly drops her apple.

Tomoe-san takes a step back. “Then that means...”

“Yes. I knew who you were beforehand and teamed up with you because in a future you don’t know, both you and Madoka died fighting Walpurgisnacht.”

Homura remembers the days she used to regard Tomoe Mami as friend, even by the smallest degree. She always felt intimidated around her, but now that they’re equals, it’s hard to even connect at all anymore. 

“I— died?”

“Many times. Madoka, too. That’s why I don’t want Madoka to contract.”

“That’s—” Tomoe-san lets the ribbons disappear. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. But why didn’t you tell me?”

Homura moves her hands behind her back, freezing and unfreezing time once to make sure she really is safe now. “Whenever I tried, someone didn’t believe me, and I didn’t want _her_ to find out.”

Kyouko throws the apple’s core in the trash. “So? That doesn’t explain what happened to Sayaka.”

This is the first time panic creeps into Homura. So far, she’s been avoiding this situation skillfully. But right now, the only choice is to lie. “I don’t really know for sure, either, but—”

“Let me explain.”

 _No. No. No._ **_No_ ** _._

Kyuubey. At the worst possible moment, too.

Homura immediately shoots at the origin of the voice.

“Akemi Homura.” Kyuubey dodges with easy. “If you really come from the future, you most certainly know what happened.”

“Shut up.”

“So I can assume that any of these two knowing would lead to an unfavorable outcome for you.”

Homura shoots at Kyuubey again. _Missed again_.

“Akemi-san?” Tomoe-san looks at Homura in shock.

“I—”

“Miki Sayaka has hatched into a witch.” Kyuubey dodges a few more shots before settling down next to Miki Sayaka’s lifeless body. “Her soul gem turned into a grief seed.”

Homura freezes time as she watches Tomoe-san's eyes widen.

Homura’s only chance had been to shoot Kyuubey before he could tell them the truth, then change location. But that chance has been lost.

She could leave now. Nothing’s stopping her. It’s the definitely safest way to get out of here. Now that it has come to this, the timeline is doomed anyway.

Homura swallows, and she looks at Kyouko. Then she looks at Tomoe-san.

_Is it really impossible to create an ending where they don’t die?_

She remembers what she told herself back then. That saving Madoka comes first, that the others’ survival is optional and a means to an end.

It doesn’t feel that way right now. Homura turns around to leave, but—

_‘Why don’t you try to get along with the others?’_

Homura remembers Madoka’s words, remembers the time she stayed up with Tomoe-san to do homework after witch fighting left her behind on it, remembers when Kyouko taught her how to perform most jumps and dodges safely—

She bites her lip and takes Kyouko’s hand, unfreezing time for her. “She will kill you if you don’t leave.”

“Mami will?” Kyouko raises an eyebrow. “There’s no way she’d—”

“She already did once. Now don’t die on me again.”

Kyouko’s eyes widen. “No way.”

Homura doesn’t make eye contact. “It’s the truth.”

There's a pause, but Homura can tell Kyouko is considering her words.

Then.

“Sorry, but I want to see it for myself.” Kyouko lets go of Homura’s hand.

Homura scowls. “Why do you never listen—” She breathes in slowly and braces herself, putting her hand on her shield.

 _Madoka believes I can set this right. I_ will _set this right._

Time unfreezes. Tomoe-san takes aim at Kyouko, and Kyouko dodges the shot.

“Wait, seriously?! Why is she trying to kill—”

“I don’t want my only friends to turn into witches! I don’t want to become a witch myself!”

Homura dodges a ribbon while Kyouko barely evades another shot.

_If you know it, you can predict it. If you predict it, you can control it._

“Won’t you become a witch faster if you waste this much magic?” Kyouko smirks, but Homura can tell she’s feeling on edge, too.

It is then that Tomoe-san bursts out in tears and drops her musket.

Homura has seen this time and time before, but this time it feels more personal. Like it’s Homura’s mistake for not trying harder.

“Akemi-san, why didn’t you tell me?”

Homura swallows. “I…”

There’s no nice way to say it.

“I’m a bad role model, aren’t I?” Tomoe-san laughs bitterly, undoing her transformation. “Akemi-san. Is it possible that there has been a time where I didn’t miss the last shot?”

Homura nods. _No point sugarcoating it,_ she tells herself. And yet it still stings.

Tomoe-san wipes off some of the tears. “Then did you befriend me solely to save Madoka? Akemi-san, you’re… quite cruel. Then again, I deserve it.”

“Don’t say that—”

“Even now, you’re hesitant to transform back because you don’t trust me, aren’t you?”

Homura is suddenly very aware of her own hand she has kept next to her shield all this time. “I—”

“It’s alright.” Tomoe-san gets up. “I’ll go now.”

Homura knows this pattern. “Show me your soul gem.”

“Akemi-san, are you mocking me?”

“I just—”

“Don’t want another witch I have to fight against?” Kyuubey provides. Homura shoots him almost instantly, and this time the shot connects.

“That is not what I meant to say.” Homura puts her gun back in her shield. “Tomoe-san, you could work with me and—”

“For what purpose? We’ll all die anyway. The only friends I had were just using me all along.” Tomoe-san looks at Homura, and then Kyuubey’s corpse. “Both of you.” She walks away, not turning back, and then her steps accelerate.

The tough demeanor is a facade, as usual. In a way, that reminds Homura of herself. But Tomoe-san’s words—

Homura clenches her fists. “I’m not like—”

_...I’m not like Kyuubey. Right?_

Everything has been a chessboard for Homura for so long that she’s long forgotten what emotions are still real. The ones for Madoka? Definitely. The ones for everyone else? Who knows. For all Homura knows, she’s lost her last shreds of humanity a couple dozen timelines ago.

Kyouko puts a hand on Homura’s shoulder. “You’re not like him. You’re way too emotional for that.”

“Me?”

“Yeah.” Kyouko puts some pocky in her mouth. “You care a lot. Else I’d be dead now.” She offers Homura another pocky, and Homura takes it.

And Homura can’t deny that. In that moment, Homura didn’t care so much for her win condition as making sure Kyouko survives.

“Thank you.” Homura picks up Miki Sayaka’s grief seed. “I’ll keep it. Tomoe-san might need it.”

Kyouko nods. “Hey, Homura.”

“What is it?”

“If you end up having to go back in time again, let’s work together from the start the next time. Promise?”

Homura smiles the slightest bit, but she immediately turns away so Kyouko doesn’t see it.

“Promise.”

* * *

A few days later, Homura chooses to witness Miki Sayaka’s funeral. From a safe distance, of course, as the ones attending it are Kyouko, Madoka and Tomoe-san. The rain is seemingly unending, and even Homura feels the need to use an umbrella.

_Everything about this timeline is wrong._

She had known that trying something new would change the timeline drastically, but she hadn’t known that it would also affect her own emotional state. It’s like she’s accessed the part of her she locked away a long time ago.

It’s been a long time since she’s cared this much. In a way, it’s reassuring— that the Homura that Madoka once befriended is still around in there, somewhere. But it also means a bigger burden.

“That’s not like you.”

Homura is startled by the voice. She looks up from her feet to see Kyouko. “Kyouko?”

“You usually don’t mope like this.”

“What do you want?”

Kyouko tilts her head in the direction of Madoka and Tomoe-san. “We gotta do something about her before it’s too late.”

Homura nods. “I’ll try.”

“You sure?”

“I can handle it.” Homura turns, but Kyouko catches her wrist.

“Oi, Homura.”

“What?”

“When it comes down to it, you have to protect what really matters to you. That’s what you got this magic for, right?”

 _Thank you_ , is what Homura wants to say, but instead she nods and walks off.

* * *

“Mami-san told me.” Madoka is at Homura’s door, as she always is around this time.

The reasons differ each timeline, but eventually she always seeks Homura out. This reason, however, has never been the one before.

Homura doesn’t reply, she just opens the door and lets Madoka in like she always does. Lately, she’s had less time to monitor Madoka’s actions because she was busy hunting familiars so Tomoe-san would be forced to eventually take out a witch and actually take the grief seed.

“Even if you’re doing this for me, Homura-chan…” Madoka sounds sad. “Mami-san is really upset. She wants to be friends with you. Can’t you talk to her?”

Homura doesn’t look at her. “I can’t promise it will go well.”

“Homura-chan…”

_This is my fault._

It was foolish to befriend Tomoe Mami, to think that the initial benefits would last, to think she could let her guard down even the slightest. But now that what’s done is done, Homura fears actually becoming the cause for her senior turning into a witch.

Homura stands up. “I will go talk to Tomoe-san. No contracting Kyuubey in the meantime.”

Madoka is smiling, but Homura knows she’ll have to disappoint her.

* * *

Tomoe san's apartment door is barricaded in every possible way, but Homura quickly gets rid of the barricade and picks the lock.

“Akemi-san?”

The voice comes from below, and Homura walks into the living room to see Tomoe-san, lying on the floor, one of her muskets aimed at her nearly fully tainted soul gem.

Homura immediately sits down at her side, pulling out the grief seed she got from Miki Sayaka, the way Madoka once pulled out that very same grief seed for her, but Tomoe-san shakes her head. “I’d just be dead weight in my current state. What a terrible excuse of a senior.”

“But—”

Tomoe-san shoots the window, then takes the grief seed from Homura’s hands and throws it out. “Don’t. It’s too late for me anyway. I already gave Sakura-san my grief seeds, too.” She pauses, then. “Akemi-san, did you ever see me as a friend?”

Homura forces herself to make eye contact. “I did. I still do.”

“I’m glad.” Tomoe-san smiles and takes aim at her soul gem again. “If you choose to turn back time again, please don’t tell me about this. You were right not to.”

“Tomoe-san—”

“Protect Kaname-san.”

Homura nods.

With no grief seeds in range, stopping her now would only end with a witch transformation. Homura clenches her fists.

“Akemi-san, I didn’t know you could cry. I really would’ve loved to fight Walpurgisnacht alongside you and Sakura-san. But I’m already...”  Tomoe-san stops mid-sentence.

Then she pulls the trigger.

* * *

The next day, Homura puts a note with the words “I’m sorry” on it in Madoka’s mailbox, then goes on to prepare the weaponry for the fight against Walpurgisnacht.

Concentrating would be impossible in this state, but her body executes the steps as if it was automated. Nothing about this timeline feels right. There's more people alive than usual, and yet it feels wrong. Like she's gone more wrong than ever before.

She’s about to grab another gun she placed on the ground when it is taken out of her hand.

“Need some help?”

Kyouko.

“...Yes.”

* * *

“She wanted to fight alongside us.” Homura sits down next to the completed gun setup.

“Don’t blame yourself for it.” Kyouko sits down next to her. “She did what she believed was right. That’s the best outcome you could’ve gotten. Mami and Sayaka kind of reminded me, you know? I used to really like when people go for their ideals.”

Homura can hear the sadness in her voice.

The ongoing storm winds rapidly increase.

“Ready?” Kyouko takes her spear.

Homura doesn’t say that she doesn’t believe they can make it. Instead, she hopes, and vows to hope even if this hope is futile.

“Anytime.”

* * *

Homura wakes up in the hospital again.

She heals her eyes, undoes her braids and transforms, jumping out of the window to catch the first witch early, like she has the last few timelines.

Except—

“Oi, watch where you’re going!”

She’s landed right in front of Kyouko. “You—”

Kyouko isn’t supposed to be here. She hasn’t been here at this time in any previous timeline.

“Haven’t I met you before?”

Maybe promises _do_ reach across timelines.


End file.
